Okay, listen.
I don’t care what your mom said, what your therapist said, or what that one self-help book with the plant on the cover said. Fun is NOT about balance. Fun is about going feral. About becoming an unhinged, ferociously alive little goblin-child of the universe.
So, in the name of joyful recklessness, here’s your new, official, government-certified guide to actually having fun:
1. DISRESPECT TIME
Time is a construct. A big, dumb, wobbly construct built by Puritans and reinforced by your Google Calendar. Want to know the fastest way to feel like a kid again? Ignore time. Eat pancakes at 11 p.m. Go to the grocery store in the middle of the night just to look at the weird off-brand cereals. Take a walk when you “should” be working. Tell the concept of productivity to SUCK IT.
2. FIND A DUMB THING AND OBSESS OVER IT
Get REALLY into something completely unnecessary. Like, aggressively passionate. Choose a hobby that makes people worry about you. Rock collecting. Niche birdwatching (but only for birds with dumb names, like the “Blue-Footed Booby”). Learn to juggle. Get into an old TV show and start unironically saying, “They don’t make ‘em like this anymore.” Go ALL IN.
3. WEAR CLOTHES LIKE A LITTLE KID WHO GOT TO DRESS THEMSELVES
Forget “flattering.” Forget “fashionable.” Put on the banana-print pajamas. The neon fanny pack. The cowboy boots with basketball shorts. If it makes you feel even a tiny bit happier, wear it.
4. EAT LIKE A MENACE
You know what’s fun? Putting unreasonable amounts of toppings on things. Ice cream should have at least 3 different sauces. Your sandwich should be a structural nightmare. Your breakfast cereal should have a secret surprise ingredient (gummy bears? Coconut flakes? LIVE A LITTLE).
5. LAUGH WHEN YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
Corporate meeting? See how hard it is to not giggle. Long, dramatic pause in a movie? Cackle like a maniac. Someone says, “I’ll let you guys go” on a Zoom call? Whisper “never” and see what happens.
6. DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES ZERO SENSE, JUST FOR THE VIBES
Write a letter to a celebrity and mail it to an address you made up. Carry a harmonica around, just in case. Narrate your pet’s internal monologue out loud in a serious documentary voice.
7. FORGET THE ENDGAME
The best fun is the kind that doesn’t lead to anything useful. You don’t need to make money off it. You don’t need to be good at it. Just do things because they delight your weird little soul.
Go forth, gremlin. Be unhinged. Make no sense. Have fun like you mean it.